you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
