You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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