Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
