3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
