Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
