there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize