you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
