Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
