I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize