Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
false alarm. still invincible.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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