***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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