Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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