I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
