How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
