have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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