The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
