$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
