how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
