I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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