I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
