Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
