Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
