I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize