saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize