I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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