My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
