she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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