So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
cat food counts as protein by the way
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize