It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
