It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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