Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
