After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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