I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
