God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You ruined the universe
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
