just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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