Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
