I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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