You're so nebulous sometimes
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
