You're completely useless in the revolution.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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