you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
