can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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