So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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