im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I take back everything I said about communal showers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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