Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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