got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
