I am spending my child support on dildos
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Randomize
