Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
