the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
