Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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