There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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