This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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