Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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