Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
