I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
