dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
