ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
