Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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