Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
