$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
