all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
