Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
