if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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