My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm too high and old for this...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
