If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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