We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
