U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
